More times than I can count, I have heard someone preaching about television and the impact it has on our children.  For those of us over 30 years old, it is easy to compare the difference in programming when we were growing up and the shows of today.  Yes, I have also been a willing participant in this conversation many times, pointing out how “Baywatch” was shocking because of the swimsuits.  Now, prancing around in little to no clothes seems to be the norm.  However, when discussed, no one ever seems to humble themselves and discuss how television has impacted them and their perceptions of the world.  Is there a certain age when we stop being influenced by what we see, here, read, and are exposed to? 

There are times when people are accused of being racist or stereotyping when that is not the case.  I don’t care how “non racist” you profess yourself to be, we all have perceptions of other races imbedded into our minds from their portrayal on television.  Especially races that we have no interaction with except for on television. 

As always, I keep things real and make sure I call myself out before calling out everyone else.  I have to be honest, I have not been around a lot of Italian or Italian American people.  However, I sure have seen plenty of television shows and movies that were attempting to portray their lifestyle.  At one point, if someone said Italian, I immediately thought of the Mafia and The Sopranos.  I pictured a heavy set smiling friendly grandmother in a kitchen somewhere cooking a big of sauce for some home made pasta.  Now I know this is based on what I have seen, not the experiences of all Italian people.  But I know if I was invited to someone’s house right now for dinner, I would assume we were having pasta.  Hey, I am not being racist, I am just telling the truth.  So I need to not let television babysit me and teach me about Italian folks.  I am fortunate because at least I admit it.  I have spent my adult life around people who have allowed what they have seen on television to cause them to incorrectly assume behavior, outcome, and attitude. 

So this one is for all of you out there who know us Black folks from the media and the nightly news.  I am going to give you the top three assumptions you are consciously, or maybe subconsciously making that needs to be immediately corrected.

1)      An Angry Black Person Is Not Going To Lead To A Fight

I remember the first time I got upset in a meeting at a former job.  However, I had sat through countless meetings with one or more of my colleagues slamming a notebook, banging a table, even cursing.  I had put a project into production and the implementation of another project overrode my changes and caused customer impact.  The programmer was sitting there as if he had not done anything wrong so I looked at him and said “I would appreciate it if you stopped acting like you have lost your freakin hearing and help me work on a problem. This makes no sense.”  And I am not cleaning that up, I actually said “freakin.”  You should have seen the reaction.  I was told to calm down and take a deep breath.  One person even got up as if they were going to have to pull me off of the guy.  At this point, I forgot all about the issue.  My manager told me to go to my desk and we would talk about it when everyone had a chance to relax and come back to the table.  My mouth was pretty much dragging the floor.  My words and actions had been severely inflated although they were minimal compared to what I had seen in similar situations.  This really bothered me.  I didn’t know whether to laugh or get angry.  Well I knew I didn’t need to really become angry, someone may have called the SWAT team.  This was the day that I learned that Black people can’t act the same way on their job as the White folks.  I was in corporate America so I played the game.  I can’t complain about them because I didn’t force them to keep me working there.  I learned that I always had to watch my tone because of my size, my height and my hair.  At the time, I had locs in my hair so I know that didn’t help.  I have to chuckle at it now.  I bet I scared some of those white folks to death.  Standing there leading a meeting 6 feet tall with a heavy build and locs.  I know it couldn’t be my voice.  I still get asked if the lady of the house is home because my voice is so light and soft.  I found myself consciously choosing my words and over compensating on my tone in order not to “scare” other members of our team.    

2)      All Black Women Don’t Roll Their Neck and Their Eyes

Now this one has reared its ugly head throughout the years.  Television has replaced Thelma Evans and her neck rolling with the Black female reality show stars of today.  If you want to become famous, please just roll your eyes, have a bad weave, and talk with numerous grammatical errors.  These images don’t bother me because I know they are just that, images.  What does bother me is when this image is presented to be my someone who has taken this as the mannerisms of all Black women.  It has happened to me on many occasions.  A lot of us are used to being in the minority at work but when we go out, we surround ourselves by those of the same color or at least the same interest.  Over the years, I have had to take many trips out of town with my coworkers and colleagues which found me in the minority for the majority of the day.  I also have friends in all shades, sizes and economic backgrounds so my partying has many times been while I was in the minority of the group.  Actually, now that I think about it, I probably have been the only Black person in most of the social settings.  And let me tell you it NEVER fails.  Before the end of the night, someone who has been drinking and decides to get really comfortable and let their guard down is going to come up to me and perform a conversation with their best “Black Girl Impression.”  Impressions are supposed to impress and I can assure you I haven’t found one yet that makes me stand up and cheer.  Whenever it happens, it is always the same routine: one or two grammatically incorrect sentences, an exaggerated neck roll, and the finger snap grand finale.  This is now to the point of being asinine.  I am talking about well educated, professional people.  I have learned by this point to just smile and laugh.  And I always make sure I say “I don’t talk like that.” 

3)       Most Clubs and Events Attended By Blacks  End Without Incidence

While working in the corporate arena, I was frequently invited to hang out at local night spots.  I am always down for a good party so I always try to attend.  I enjoy all genres of music so I have a great time wherever I go.  When I worked in Greensboro, I went with a few coworkers to a bar not too far from where we worked.  Every Tuesday night they had 2 guys performing live music for entertainment.  They had a bass guitar and a regular guitar and played great songs and requests all night.  The first time I went, the doorman felt the need to tell me the type of music that was being played.  I still laugh at that because he couldn’t describe the music so he called out a few artists names.  Now if I didn’t know the artists, I still would not have known what they were playing.  I just played dumb and looked at him as if I didn’t recognize Mellencamp, Springstein and Petty.  The guys were incredible.  After a few drinks, I decided to make a request.  A silence fell over the room as if I was about to ask them to play Tupac.  You could see the anticipation on the faces of the patrons anxiously awaiting the song.  They happily announced “this one is for Angie” and began playing “Wonderful Tonight” by Clapton.  Now I was very comfortable in this and any environment.  However, when I have asked my coworkers to come out with to a party spot or bar that has majority Black clientele, somehow the conversation digresses to nightclub shootings and violence.  The extremely rare occasions that a few of my coworkers have taken me up on my offer, they had a ball!  They were actually and happily surrounded by the people, not the portrayals.  To the right, a guy with a masters degree with locs! To the left, a girl who lives in the “hood” with short nails and no gold teeth. To the front, someone steps on someone else’s toes and the confrontation ends with an “excuse me.” To the back, brothers are standing in suits, not sagging pants and work boots.  It is always as if a curtain has been opened on Let’s Make A Deal. 

I am never mad at people because of this.  It takes exposure in order to educate yourself about other people and their culture.  It takes knowing enough of the people that are being portrayed to know that the portrayal may be applicable to some, but definitely not to all of a specific race.  Most times, once diverse friendships are made, people find out that they have a lot more in common with people than they originally thought.  Yes race means difference.  The way we have seen the world and the way the world has treated us is always different.  But different can be good.  And you have to have a sense of humor as well.  I can definitely take a good joke.  I do enjoy a respectful comfortable atmosphere with people so I can let my hair down and tell a good story or two.  You just have to know that everything doesn’t apply to everybody.